经济观察网 Andrew/文（加拿大 大三学生） 汤向阳/译 怎样才能找回童年？有人只比我大一岁，但是却会对我说：你太小了，好好享受年轻时光，然后自叹：我太老了！我笑笑，心里想：我从未想过年长一岁会如此可怕。听到他们这种论调然我想起了我的童年。但当我发现自己对发生在久远过去的事情仍记忆清晰如昨日的时候，我很惊讶。“这怎么可能？”我想，我的童年去哪儿了？?

什么叫找回童年？事实上，除非我知道童年何时结束，否则我无法回答这个问题。到底是什么时候在哪儿结束的呢？是我13岁，15岁还是18岁的时候？还是当我能单独出外的时候？还是我高中毕业或者大学毕业的时候？还是当我开始长皱纹、掉头发的时候？我觉得依靠这种办法是没法搞清楚我的童年是什么时候结束的。我不能简答地说：“哦，对了，我记得童年何时结束的。那是一个不寻常的温暖的、十一月的一天，大概下午五点一刻。这之后我管妈妈要了一杯茶。”

这种念头让我思考是不是人们的生活方式决定了他是否还是一个孩子。什么都无所谓，玩闹不止就是一个孩子么？如果真是这样，我还是个孩子。我喜欢看电视，打游戏，跑步，和我的狗一起玩，读书和其他很多事情。这些是不是意味着我还是一个孩子？西方国家将生活得像孩子般的成年人称为“拥有成人身躯的孩童”，意指他们身体虽已成人，但是却仍像孩子一般生活。如果这样说我，也并非全错。但是，即使生活方式决定人们是否还是孩子这种说法无误，我仍然觉得那并非全部答案。

如果我要找回童年，我该从哪儿开始呢？是不是我经历的越多，离童年就越远？随着我对世界的了解增多，不管是了解它残酷的现实还是现实中的美好，我就在不能躲藏在无辜和无知的背后；我的童年正在消逝。我承担的责任越多，童年就越遥远了。人们可以将一对夫妇产下婴儿的那一刻定义为童年的消失，因为它已经传递给了新生儿。突如其然的，他们开始承担照顾一个如此年轻和脆弱的新生命的责任，而他们的孩子却无忧无虑。然后我们知道，生命的重心已经发生转移。

如果真是这样，除非消掉我的记忆，否则找回童年就是不可能？可是谁要这样？我想要保存我的经历，因为它们决定了我之为我。我想要承担责任并在某天拥有自己的家庭。我能做的最好的事情就是在内心深处保留那个小男孩的碎片。带着这些碎片生活、工作、养家，但是内心深处因它而知活得快乐是多么重要。当我工作了，我仍会让自己快乐，否则生活将会太有压力；我仍然会让自己保留那么一丁点儿无忧无虑的态度，而不是整日发愁。与其追思过去找回童年，我选择将童年延续终生。

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Ward Andrew （加拿大 大三学生）

How does someone rediscover their childhood? I have people who are only a year older than me saying, “You’re so young”. “Enjoy your youth”, they lament, “I’m so old now.” I laugh and think to myself, “I had no idea aging one year could be so horrible.” Nonetheless, hearing them say this makes me reflect on my own life when I was a child. I end up surprising myself when I realize that something I remember so vividly happened so long ago. “How is that possible?” I wonder. Where did my childhood go??

What does it mean to seek my childhood? The truth is I cannot answer this question until I know when my childhood has ended? Where and at what time? Was it when I turned 13 or 15 or 18? Did it end when I could go places by myself? Did my childhood end when I graduated from high school or will it end when I graduate from university? Could it be when I start getting wrinkles and losing my hair? I think finding when my childhood was lost is impossible by these terms. I can’t simply say, “Ah, yes!! I remember when my childhood ended. It was an unusually warm day in November at approximately quarter past 5 in the evening. I asked my mother for tea afterward."?

This leads me to wonder if it’s the way we live that determines who is a child. Does having a carefree attitude and playing lots of games make a child? If this is the case, then I guess I still am a child. I like to watch TV, play video games, run outside, play with my dog, read books and lots of other things children do. So does that mean I’m still a child? We have an expression in the West for adults who live like children. A “boy in a man’s body”; a person who has physically matured but still lives life like a child. Someone could call me this and they wouldn’t be totally wrong. ?Even if I this is the case though, I don’t think this makes me a child completely.?

So where do I even begin to look if I want to rediscover my childhood? Could it be that the more I experience, the more I lose my childhood?As I grow more aware of the world, both the harsh realities and the beauty that exist in it, I am no longer able to hide behind innocence or ignorance; my childhood slips away from me. The more responsibility I have, the more I lose my childhood. One could make a case that the day a parent has their first child is the day they lose their childhood as they pass it on to their newborn. Suddenly, they bear the responsibility of taking care of something so young and fragile while their baby has few worries in the world. Then we realize how much our priorities in life have changed.??

If this is true, then truly recapturing my childhood is impossible without erasing my memories and who wants that? I want to keep my experiences because they define much of who I am. I want to accept responsibility and someday have a family of my own. The best that I can do is to hold on to that tiny piece inside of me; that inner child. With this I can live my life, work at my job, raise my family but include that part of me that remembers how important it is to still have fun. I still intend to have fun when I have a career or else life would become too stressful. I still intend to keep a little of that carefree attitude or else I would just worry all the time. Instead of looking back in the past to rediscover my childhood, I’m going to bring my childhood forward to me now.?